The Patriots are so full of talent; they look like Vince Wilfork trying to squeeze into Tom Brady’s skinny jeans. Where is the sympathy from the other 31 teams? You think those insensitive jerks care that the struggles of the Patriots having to release skilled players is real? Should Pats fans start a GoFundMe page so Patriots-Haters can purchase sensitivity classes so they understand the hardship of rooting for the G.O.A.T., quarterback, coach, and team?
Ha! Ha! Boy has Lady Karma kicked every Patriot-Hater where it hurts. (Not that there’s much to kick.) And you know what is a cringe worthy thought? She hasn’t skipped Leg-Day since February, and she’ll be Kung-Fu kicking ALLLLLLLLL year until the Patriots perfect season has been completed.
How does that saying go? You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs? Well there’s a new saying up here in New England: you can’t go 19-0, without making some tough cuts. I have watched the first pre-season game against the Jaguars three times, focusing on coverages and line-of-scrimmage play. Here are my roster surprises.
No surprises here. Just the best back-up quarterback in the league, and oh, the greatest football player of all-time!
Running Back: 5
It’s time for Brandon Bolden to go. There is enough “leadership” and Special Teams specialist to cut bait. Bolden had one of the worst drops anyone had ever seen in the Patriots loss against the Bills last year (three drops for the season for a guy who hardly played offense.) He also accidently kicked TWO balls that were about to be downed inside the 10 yard line into the endzone, resulting in the other team starting at their 25 yard line. Yuck. Hopefully, D.J. Foster squeaks onto the practice squad.
Wide Receiver: 7
Although the rest of the league is as useless as a tree stump solving a calculus equation, one of them at some point has to stop letting the Patriots stash talent on the practice squad. This actually started last year, when the Patriots lost two talented cornerbacks (Cre’Von LeBlanc and Darryl Roberts) I believe Austin Carr is going to have such a good preseason, that there is no shot of sneaking him onto the practice squad, thus forcing the Patriots hand to keep him on the roster. Hopefully, the up-and-comer deep threat, Devon Lucien, sneaks onto the P.S.
Tight End: 3
The same dilemma arises with Jacob Hollister as it does with Austin Carr. James O’Shaughnessy is a legit, slightly above average, NFL Tight End. Matt Lengel is a one trick pony who can only block. A case can be made that Hollister is also a one trick pony who can only catch passes. Gronk and Allen are considered elite blocking Tight Ends, plus they love using a Tackle as a third blocking TE, so the Pats can get away with one less blocking TE. Allen is overrated as a pass catcher, but isn’t going anywhere with three years left on his contract and Belichick just trading for him. Hollister provides a poor-man’s Dallas Clark-type ability, in case the dreaded happens once again that we will not speak of … you-know-who goes down.
Offensive Line: 8
Can someone break into Cam Flemmings house, crack his safe, and destroy the incriminating pictures he owns of Bill Belichick doing who-knows-what? How the hell, does this matador—red cape holder who does nothing but Ole! the charging pass rusher—continue to take up a roster spot on this championship organization? That finally catches up to him this month. Complete stiff. Waddle isn’t much better. Look for Karras to earn a starting spot at some point during the year at Guard or Center. He’s a complete bulldozer. Croston showed really well in the first preseason game, but the jury is still out on him. They will try to sneak Conor McDermott onto the Practice Squad.
If Belichick has one weakness, it’s his ego. There have been times where he lets it get in the way of his decision-making. This will be the case if Cyrus Jones isn’t cut by next week. Yes it will make Belichick look bad that his first selection in the 2016 draft is released after one year, but MY GOD! Cyrus Jones is a walking Mark-Sanchez Butt-Fumble! All … he … does … is … screw … UP! Coleman is the tough cut here. He’s good with staying on his receiver’s hip, but has no instincts as to when he should look for the ball. So many passes are completed with the ball sailing right over his shoulder or helmet—no ball-hawking skills whatsoever. D.J. Killings was the most sought after cornerback not drafted. It’s why the Patriots offered him more money than your standard undrafted free agent. He looked good in the first pre-season game, like another potential Malcolm Butler.
Sorry folks, have to call it like I see it, but, Belichick may be the WORST drafter of Safeties in the history of the NFL. Devin McCourty doesn’t count because Belichick took him as a cornerback, and once he found out Devin was incapable of playing the positions, he move him to safety, and luckily, it worked out. Duron Harmon is average, can’t be counted on to play man coverage with below average TE’s, and was projected by everyone to be drafted in the 6th or 7th round. Belichick took him in the 3rd. Tavon Wilson needs no explanation, and now we have Jordan Richards. Richards couldn’t cover a turtle on its back. See … you … LATER! Complete bum.
Kyle Van Noy
Get Jonathan Freeney’s ass out of here! He’s another one of those, “good locker room guys.” How about we rent a locker-room-guy bus, and ship Freeney, Bolden and Fleming to Cleveland? Talk about useless. Freeney might be the worst zone coverage linebacker in the history of football, and every tackle he makes during the regular season is 8 yards down field.
Defensive Line: 8
Kony Ealy is the Pablo Sandoval of football. Showed up to camp after clearly not lifting a finger during the off-season, unless you count him pinky-scooping frosting, and stuffing his face. He looks overweight, slow, and disinterested. He will be out of the league REAL soon. Adam Butler has been a surprise in camp. Huge, strong and moves well. He didn’t flash much in the first pre-season game, but some of that had to do with the Jaguars double-teaming him often—maybe because he was a force during the inter-squad practices? Harvey Langi is the other surprise here. If there’s one concern about the Pats, it’s their pass rush. He’s a project, but could help on third down situations.
Special Teams: 3
No surprises here. It would be nice to See Gostkowski get his crap together, but he’s still better than most kickers in the league.
Pats fans, please show me some love by retweeting this and follow me @StevenViner1 and I will follow you back!