Author Archives: @benwrench

Musings from the EPL – Week 2

KANE BREAKS AUGUST DUCK

Does anybody know The Simpsons well enough to remember the song at the end of Homer at the Bat? If so then sing-a-long:

Well Harry Kane had done it
He’d only gone and won it
He scored in August now we can all smile
In the bottom corner with some style

…. and so on.

That puts to bed the latest ridiculous EPL witch’s curse surrounding players whose inability to perform every week can’t be explained by standard rationale. Harry Kane had never scored a Premier League goal in the month of August, but now he has, so we can get back to business. Spurs dispatched a doggedly determined (albeit only for ten minutes after half time) Fulham, and Kane’s goal was as sweet as you like – just what you’d expect from the Golden Boot winner. Shame he plays for Tottenham.

LONDON DERBY

Embed from Getty Images

The EPL marquee matchup this weekend was Chelsea vs Arsenal and it did not disappoint, unless you’re an Arsenal fan. It was the game of the cut back, with classic wing play resulting in the leagues most difficult surnames: Aubameyang and Mkhitaryan, seeing who could clear the crossbar by the biggest margin. There were no prizes for the winner, only the dream of what could have been. Chelsea were good for their 3-2 win but needed that pesky Edin Hazard to come and rescue them. Arsenal have zero points from two games, a feat that Arsene Wenger never achieved.

MANCHESTER DISJOINTED

Jose Mourinho is such a surly pantomime villain at the moment that surely everybody wants Man Utd to lose, which they did so on Sunday to Brighton. Incidentally, Brighton and Hove Albion F.C. is the sort of classic footballing name from which MLS clubs should have sought influence (take note: Sporting Kansas City.) Anyhow, The Special One has been complaining that his players aren’t good enough, and it can’t be long before the board replace him with somebody a bit more upbeat about the squad.

ANY OTHER BUSINESS

Newcastle United spent all of their money on a failed department store so their game with Cardiff was highlighted only by a sending off, but not of the calibre seen at Leicester City. Jamie Vardy, he who is having a party, tested the limits of the new NFL tackling rules and got his just desserts.

Embed from Getty Images

Around the rest of the league West Ham are doing as well as Arsenal, Everton showed resolve to beat Southampton and Manchester City are still really good at football. That nephew of Diego Maradona is pretty handy too. Finally Burnley and Watford played their match on Sunday, which is weird because the only reason to move an EPL game away from 3pm (UK time) on a Saturday is so people can watch it on the tele; I can’t see why anybody would want to watch Burnley vs Watford. To each their own, I suppose.

Fantasy Draft Day Recap

Leave a reply

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR

Well folks, can you believe it? The Draft for the inaugural Boston Sports Extra Fantasy Football took place in July! Setting records as the earliest recorded draft for a fantasy football season and somewhat last minute in the grand scheme of things. We’d been ‘umming and ‘arring for weeks without a hint of anticipation until suddenly, with minor amounts of warning, it was decided: “draft tonight, who’s in?”

“Andy had an amazing draft, one for the ages.”

Nine-thirty was the agreed time until it was moved to 2145 so people could trade their draft picks. Though when nobody managed to do that in the allotted time, it just meant we got to go bed later for no good reason. I’m a firm believer that when the universe gives you last pick, you just suck it up and play the best you can. Then when you finish with a losing record, you can just blame the draft position! Imagine the embarrassment of trading up and still being rubbish. It was a Snake Draft, putting extra pressure on the No.1 and No.12 picks as they get a quick turnaround, then a long gap to restock on ice cream and, for this Brit, make another cup of tea.

BREAKING DOWN THE ROUNDS

The first round went as expected, even after a brief argument on group chat about OBJ being overrated:

1 Le’Veon Bell, Pit RB

2 Todd Gurley II, LAR RB

3 David Johnson, Ari RB

4 Antonio Brown, Pit WR

5 Ezekiel Elliott, Dal RB

6 Dalvin Cook, Min RB

7 Saquon Barkley, NYG RB

8 Alvin Kamara, NO RB

9 Julio Jones, Atl WR

10 Leonard Fournette, Jax RB

11 Odell Beckham Jr., NYG WR

12 Kareem Hunt, KC RB

Don’t worry, I’m not going to take up your time with every subsequent round. Some key things to note, however:

Justin caved in R2 and picked up the Gronk, we can’t blame him but there’s always the niggling feeling that overconfidence will indirectly lead to a serious injury. Larry Fitzgerald keeps defying the years by joining Gronkowski in R2.

In R3, DK had stolen Joe Mixon from me, and it also featured the first QB pick: Aaron Rogers! We don’t know what Mike was thinking but maybe, since he’d picked up Davante Adams in the previous round, he wanted to make sure somebody would be throwing him the ball. Reality and fantasy can get blurred on a frantic Monday night. More over-reliance on tight ends here too as Ertz and Kelce were claimed. I used my No. 36 pick on Derrius Guice which I wasn’t a fan of because I’m not sure how to pronounce it.

SLEEPER PICKS?

R4 was notable for the first daring selection of a Patriots running back, and it was the rookie! We all hope Sony Michel is a breakout star, I just hope that happens next season when he’s on my roster. More heartbreak for my Carrboro Wookies in R5 when JuJu Smith-Schuster is picked right before my turn! Snatched away by the cruel hand of fate. In other news, James showed strong confidence in Deshaun Watson.

R6 had nothing of any importance, save my selection of the mighty Greg Olsen. The highlight of R7 was seeing Kyle take Sammy Watkins prompting our league manager to utter “that’s a terrible pick,” which did make me laugh. I put my faith in Jules Edelman despite the suspension, then trackpad over enthusiasm left me with Kelvin Benjamin for the start of R8, when I really wanted Alshon Jeffery to add my list of unavailable players. R8 was noticeable for the first Defense pick! Congratulations to Matt and let’s hope his faith in the Jags does him proud. He became the first to complete his starting lineup by taking Greg the Leg in R9, getting all his ducks in a row.

R9 was also the round of the Js, with Jamaal W, Jimmy G, Jordy N, Jeremy H, and Jack D all finding homes. I finally got QB nerves and took Big Ben, not just because we share the same first name. R10 saw the return of Andrew Luck. Criminally LeGarrette Blount arrived in R11 with the 122nd pick. Did nobody remember the TD machine he is? Myself included hence I settled for Chris Carson and a bag of optimism at 132.

GARBAGE TIME

Our sensible members (time will tell) filled their rosters with RBs and WRs and saved the last 2 rounds for D/ST and K. Nobody expected anybody to take a punt on Dez Bryant but that’s what happened in R14! He’s nestled between the Chargers and the Broncos for the 169th pick: how the mighty have fallen! The pick of the night and the one that raised the biggest smile was R16, 184th: Johnny Football!. You’ve got to love the faith shown by some, or in this case, one.

At the time of writing the chat is awash with trade talk. “I really believe we have the best roster in the league,” said Jack. “The team is currently trying to add Johnny Manziel to round out their already deep roster.” I can only hope (being happy to wait until the season starts to decide if my players are crocks or not) that all trades are met with tragic misfortune, leaving me with a smug smile.

Vive le Fantasy!

IS IT TIME FOR CHEERLEADING TO END?

Leave a reply

ALL GOOD THINGS…

Anybody who is up-to-date will know; the Jedi Order is at risk. This doesn’t mean the end of lightsabers, good guys, the Force, etc. The Force is not only used by the Jedi, just ask a Sith, or Ahsoka Tano. What do Jedi Knights have to do with cheerleading? Well, the Force will carry on just fine without the Jedi religion, in the same way the NFL will continue when cheerleading has gone. The recent disputed revelations about the treatment of the Washington Redskins’ cheerleaders can mean only one thing: it is time for cheerleading, in its current form, to end.

IT’S NOT JUST THE NFL

Embed from Getty Images

When I watch a game of football I want to see a game of football. Does anybody watch the NFL because they have sparkly dancers? Who watches Formula One to see models on the grid? Does anybody watch a five-hour cycling race waiting for two women on the podium to kiss the winner? I doubt it. Just as I doubt viewing figures would suffer from taking these archaic traditions away. Surely, we as a society, are long past the objectification of women.

PRAISE WHERE PRAISE IS DUE

The NFL is a bastion of modernization; with video review and remote decision-making, rules are continually updated to improve the game and decrease the risk of injury. Sure, they still measure yardage with a chain, but nobody’s perfect. Soccer, by contrast, is hesitantly introducing the Video Assistant Referee and has done nothing to stamp out the blatant cheating that mars the game. The NFL is well on top of it and for that, applause be given.

Embed from Getty Images

However, praise cannot be bestowed for the way it treats cheerleaders. Aside from the current news, cheerleading is awash with tales of strict regimes, body shaming, image pressures and low pay. It’s a wonderful thing to engage in something big and exciting like an NFL team but ask yourself “why do we have cheerleaders?” In my opinion it’s because men formed the NFL and men like attractive women. The NFL is for entertainment purposes and does it well, but it can always do better and evolve. Let’s find a way to celebrate women and the art of cheerleading more befitting to the culture of 2018.

Jagged Island for Jacksonville’s Jags?

Leave a reply

Shahid Khan, the owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars, wishes to buy Wembley Stadium. This is seen by many as a major step in moving the Jags to London; an admirable goal which isn’t as crazy as initial thoughts would have you believe. They have built up a large fan base in Britain and due to the size of the United States NFL teams already have to fly to many away games. He also owns Fulham Football Club, but he’s not going to move the team from Craven Cottage because A, it’s not in Fulham, and B, they’d never fill it.

I presumed The Queen owned Wembley, the same way she owns Canada and all the swans. I don’t think Wembley should be sold, placed in private hands or be home to an NFL team.

IT’S FOOTBALL, BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT

Does this look like a tailgate? Credit SASi

Don’t get me wrong; I love watching the NFL in London, but it’s nothing like watching it in America. We can do the game fine but we fall short on the tailgate. There just isn’t enough spare real estate around Wembley; it’s all industrial estates and railway lines.

NFL UK are a fantastic organization. They know the issues so have morphed the tailgate into food trucks and entertainment. It’s not that British fans aren’t trusted to entertain ourselves, more that we prefer local pubs and don’t own Chevy Silverados. Also, I don’t know how many readers have been to a London parking lot; they don’t give you any space between the spaces which, similarly, aren’t very spacious.

WALKING IN A WEMBLEY WONDERLAND

Colts @ Jags 2016 (AP Photo/Tim Ireland)

Walking down Wembley Way, surrounded by an army of NFL jerseys is a special feeling. The atmosphere on the bleachers is wonderfully British; we don’t scream and yell at the pitch, rather we enthusiastically applaud. However, the home team is rarely the more popular, most fans just want to see a close game (not too close because OT risks missing the last train home) and the scoreboards show games that won’t be starting for hours.

If the Jaguars are to move to London then Mr Khan is better suited throwing his cash at a new stadium with the space to cater to a full NFL experience. Fans come from all over the UK to watch the international series. You won’t find 90,000 people paying to watch Blake Bortles every other week, no matter how entertaining Jalen Ramsey is. The current NFL UK format works because of rarity and spectacle, if we’re going to have our own team the venue needs to be designed accordingly. Wembley is the home of English soccer and long may she remain that way.

Behold the Beltline

Leave a reply

FASHION BEFORE FUNCTION

Complete disclosure: I am a field hockey player. I also go cycling and dabble in the occasional 5k run. You know what I never think about during those activities? How I wish I were wearing a belt.

Amongst what separates baseball from all other widely popular sports on this Earth is that the players don fine, supple, luxurious leather belts. I don’t know if they’re Italian leather, but that would be my preference.

Embed from Getty Images

As the Franklin Sports website says, “…every baseball player needs a belt”. The question is why? If I was sliding along my belly at full speed would I really want a belt buckle harvesting dirt as I went? It’s not that the guys can’t afford a pair of pants that fit properly. You know the uniform isn’t there for function because the base coaches are wearing the same thing. Plus, the hitters are eternally adjusting their sleeves, resetting their gloves… Come to think of it none of it fits very well. Perhaps they really do need to hold their pants up.

If I was playing professional baseball I’d want to be streamlined like a downhill skier; I’d be marginally faster between bases and slightly harder to tag. I’d look ridiculous, of course, but baseball has never let looking ridiculous get in the way.

IT’S ALL ABOUT TRADITION

Synonymous with baseball are hats, which they need because of the sun (and merchandise), stirrup socks, which phase in and out (well documented here), and belts. Tradition is the only explanation, one which could be modernized by designers incorporating such an image into the waistband. It would open the game up to a whole raft of vegan fans. If they must wear belts, then how about making them more impressive, with huge club logo buckles that dominate the outfit. If that’s not going to work, then may I suggest suspenders (braces for our British friends), for at least they align themselves with the direction of travel of a sliding base runner.

A single rule exists when men wear a belt: belt color = shoe color. If baseball players could only adhere to this we’d be on our way to a better world.

ON THE SAME TOPIC

Brian O’Nora got whacked on the knee by a foul ball the other night umpiring home plate in Cincinnati. While the players keep adding extra protection when at bat, the umpires seemingly haven’t been following suit. It’s about time they were given full body armor; 100mph fast balls are going to leave a mark.

Embed from Getty Images

Can Perfection Be Achieved?

Leave a reply

A SLIGHT WOBBLE

On mlb.com this morning it said ‘A’s hand Red Sox another loss on late HR’. Oh how some pounce on aberrations. Another loss? Another? I don’t think we’re in the spiral of failure yet.

The Red Sox are 17-4, and are playing with a style and confidence that makes you think we’re going to win every game. Until the last two nights, when a no-hitter and a Khris (that’s not how you spell Chris, FYI) Davis shot spoiled the party. A colleague recently asked if anybody was going to give the Sox a decent game; one should be careful for what one wishes.

Great teams, though, ignore the little bumps along the road. A wise man once said that form is temporary, class is permanent. With the best start in the franchise history I got to thinking about perfection.

ARE RED STOCKINGS THE SECRET?

With permission from David Adam at Herald-Whig

The 1869 Cincinnati Red Stockings

Physically possible, but statistically highly improbable is a perfect season. In 1869, when people lived in grayscale, the Cincinnati Red Stockings went 67-0. But ignoring that pitiful amount of games I don’t think that fits the bill of a perfect season, because nothing treats perfection the way baseball does. If a perfect season meant winning every game, then a perfect game would just be not letting the opposition score.

However, we the free people of the USA are obsessed with stats, we have to be or fantasy football would be rubbish. A perfect season would have to consist of no hits, no errors, and nobody on base. That’s all pretty hard to achieve. Could we award an outfielder a perfect season if he makes all of his throws and catches every ball that was his responsibility? Maybe, but this is a team game and there’s no I in team. Though there is an I in pitcher, and it would seem that perfection is only achievable for them.

IN OTHER NEWS

Willy Adames (Chris Robertson/KZONEimages)

At the Durham Bulls the other night Willy Adames hit a home run that bounced off the bull. In the crowd we were thinking free steak for us all! Sadly this is Triple-A, so it’s just for him and a friend, which seemed a shame as we reckon he could already afford it. As an aside, he’s going for a side of asparagus. So there, budding athletes, you gotta eat your greens to make it to the minors.