Well, that one sucked.  Patriots lose 27-20 in the so-called “Magic City” of Miami Florida last night in what can only be described as a lackluster performance.  Worried?  Not at all.  Confused?  Yes, I have to say I am.

What is it about our South Beach semi-rivals that we cannot seem to overcome when we visit their City of Skin?

In particular, why can’t Sir Thomas win in “The Birdcage“?

A losing career record when visiting ‘Little Cuba’ (ok, I am officially out of Miami monikers)?

Is Tom Part Porpoise?

Is Miami to TB12 what the NY Yankees were admittedly to Pedro?  His ‘Daddy’?  Gulp.  Nah.  Lets not overreact.  The Fish have been getting squished by the entire NFL for the better part of this millennium, and a couple regular season losses in the heat by the Patriots do not change that fact.  Dan Marino is not walking through that door.  Don Shula is not walking through that door…unless of course you order a bone-in ribeye at one of his steak joints.  Tommy Boy, and the team at large, will be just fine.  Next week Pittsburgh, the push to the post season begins.  Frankly, an angry Brady/Belichick combo is just what the doctor ordered, in terms of playing tough after a loss.  Look out Big Ben/Parliamen,t that’s not Santa Claus coming to town, it’s a pissed off GOAT.  You have been warned.

With that said, I did come up with a list of reasons why this pattern of losing in southeast FL has plagued #12 throughout his career.  Best I could come up with anyway…

TOP 10 Reasons Tom Brady Can’t Win in Miami

10.  Bad Cuban sandwich

9.  Two Words: David Caruso

8.  Six more words: Men Rollerblading that look like this.

7.  Gronk.  Yes, I am, in fact, blaming you for ALL the Miami losses, Big Guy.  That’ll learn ya.

6.  He is simply weirded out that a place exists where people are (almost) as good-looking as him.

5.  Illegal shake down for cocaine by Crockett & Tubbs (won’t get that reference if you are under 35 years old) rattled his confidence.

4.  The tropical tans of everyone down there distracts him unlike the pasty, white flabber-messes he has grown so accustomed to in Foxborough.

3.  Larry Czonka Mustache Curse

2.  Wait, Al Pacino is a Drug Lord AND the head coach of a pro football team…in MIAMIMind: Blown

  1. It’s only Miami.  RELAX, everyone.”

On to the Steelers!